“How did I end up here?” Finding Awareness in our Everyday Lives
Have you ever had moments in your life where you’ve asked yourself “how did I end up here?” I had one of those moments just over a year ago. It’s amazing how we end up in places that we never meant to be. It feels sudden.
In reality it is every little decision, every seemingly insignificant compromise and all of the sudden you’re somewhere that you never intended to go. When the realization of the situation has really set in, the question is how do we move on from this place? You may feel broken or be broken, but in that brokenness there is an opportunity to grow.
Experiencing Burnout
My realization came when I was on the verge of burnout. I was emotionally, mentally and physically spent; unable to handle the stress of the workload that I was living under. I knew that I couldn’t do it anymore, not another day, not another week. I was completely exhausted and felt completely numb, I felt like I was being crushed under the load.
The worst thing is I felt that I couldn’t even care, I couldn’t try one more time and I couldn’t meet one more expectation. I had been brought to my knees and I had to make a choice. Do I continue down this destructive path where I’ve allowed myself to be controlled, manipulated and victimized or do I choose to break free, to make the change and choose a different life?
It was scary. It was the unknown, but it felt like the only way to get to the surface and stop drowning in the toxic corporate environment that I had to go to daily. I was fortunate; my husband had been encouraging me towards a better life for a long time. Do I leave the corporate environment? Do I choose the scary thing of finding myself again, trying a new career and give up on the supposed “success” I had achieved? It was a hard and humbling thing to do, but I asked for help and through the support of my spouse and a kind doctor I was able to make the change that I needed.
Finding Awareness
A year later, after going through all the health problems, regret, anger and brokenness related to burnout, I’ve realized that what had really been lacking in my life was awareness. I was so absorbed in the environment around me and constantly reacting to every new situation that I didn’t pause long enough to ask “Why?” Why do I care about the daily office drama? Why am I letting people pressure me, manipulate and control me? Why had I let my life go here?
Without awareness we can get so off track from the life that we want. It is so easy to get so absorbed in other people’s issues and drama that we don’t take a step back to look at the bigger picture. Awareness requires us to be present in the moment. We must take a moment to pause and to evaluate before responding to the situation.
Do we ask ourselves the following questions often enough:
- Is this where I want to be?
- Does this align with my values and the direction I want my life to go in?
- Is the situation one that I need to get involved in or am I getting pulled into other people’s self- inflicted drama?
- What am I choosing? Is this a life-giving choice?
- Am I being present or am I reacting to the people around me?
How do we practice awareness and being present?
Taking time in your daily schedule
I have found that slowing the pace of life down to the point where things aren’t completely overwhelming has helped. I try to arrive at most appointments (including work) 10 minutes early so that I have time to take a moment to breathe and collect myself, to give me a pause in my day to refocus. Instead of going into situations flustered and stressed, it helps me to go in more composed. I connect better with others and I like how I show up in my day better.
Having realistic expectations
Am I giving myself enough time for the things that I need to get done in the day? I like to plan but I tend to over-plan. I schedule too many tasks in too small a time, which can leave me frustrated. I feel like nothing gets done instead of giving myself the space to do things well. There’s only so many hours in a day, so choose wisely.
Taking time to pause and reflect
Whether this is writing in my journal, a few minutes with a cup of coffee in the morning, or just taking time to pause, to reflect and breathe. Just giving yourself that little bit of time to renew, to pause and to evaluate how you’re showing up in your day and if your life is where you want to be. These moments are important. It gives me a chance to ask myself how I’m doing- am I stressed, happy, sad, anxious? If so, why and what do I need to change?
In our technological world that makes us available all the time, that being busy and “always on” can be a way of life. It can be a challenge to find these moments to pause, to be, to evaluate. Yes, there’s always stress, deadlines and way more to do than time to do it in. The question is do we want to live a harried life or be aware enough that life, and all the good things it brings, does not pass us by?
Embrace the Process
It’s a process, not a destination. I have days and weeks where I practice this well and then I have other times where I completely fail at awareness. The key is to continue to try- to try to find a way where we go from “How did I end up here” to “I am so happy with the life that I’ve chosen.” It takes good awareness and choosing to try to foster the habit of awareness. I know for myself that I do not want to look back with regret on what I have lost but to look at life with joy that I’ve lived the life that I’ve always wanted.
How About You?
How about you? I would love to hear about how you’re finding ways to practice awareness in your own life.
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