The Season of Self-Discovery

At the moment I’m in a season of self-discovery. I’m not sure if you have had moments like this in your life where you have given yourself permission to try something totally different and new. Allowing yourself to try something new without fear and with no expectation of the outcome. It’s a bit of a scary place, because it means letting go of those expectations and ideas of outcome, having no real control and accepting that you have no control.

I’ve been in this place of discovery for a while, working on regaining a healthy body and a healthy mind and with that have been thoughts of future employment. I know that I’m not willing to go back to the competitive and toxic corporate environments that I’ve been in. I definitely am done with that industry, but the question is “What’s next?” Do I go back to school? Do I try a bunch of different jobs? How do I figure out “What do I really want to do when I grow up?”

Giving Myself Permission to try New Things

When I was working in the corporate environment, on the bad days I’ve often joke with my husband about quitting my job and working at a golf course. I love to golf and I love gardening so in the back of my mind, I always thought it would be a fun place to work. This spring I realized that I wanted to start easing back slowly into the working world. I didn’t really want to work full time and I definitely didn’t want to go back to the kind of work I was doing before.

 I happened to be checking online and noticed that the golf courses here in Calgary were hiring. I ended up going to an open house at the Glencoe Golf and Country Club to see if this might be the right place to take a part time summer job. I had researched the club and the thing I noticed most was the workplace respect culture- for members and for employees. A large part of their philosophy was around a safe working culture and when I went to the open house, I found that to be the case. Everyone I spoke to was so friendly, I felt immediately at home and felt that this was a place that I could work that would be safe and a lot of fun. So I applied for a position with the horticulture team because the idea of a summer of nurturing plants on a golf course in the sunshine sounded perfect!

It was hard at first the idea of allowing myself to try something new- it’s scary after 16 years in corporate environments to try something completely different and unknown. Especially when some people get it and others don’t. A lot of people have been very happy for me, but others have questioned why I’m giving up my successful career. I’m learning that I have to move past opinions of others and fear of the unknown to give myself permission to try new things. It’s ok if this is or isn’t the career that I want long term, without trying I’ll never know. There is value in just trying. If I love or hate it, I still learned something.   

Trying New Things Often Takes Adjustment

The transition to the golf course hasn’t been an easy one for me, the adjustment has been harder than I expected. It’s a great environment, people are kind, friendly, and look out for each other, but it’s still a huge change. Going from an environment of being overworked, having so much responsibility and always being on the defensive due to toxic politics, moving to a more labour intensive job has taken some getting used to.  

It has taken conscious effort to slow my mind down and enjoy what this job is for what it is. It’s strange for me to have a manager who looks out for her people, takes responsibility, who is reasonable and kind. As she is amazing at her job, it means that all I need to do is work with the team, do what she asks and go home at the end of the day. I take pride in my work, but it’s different to realize that I’m safe in this environment. I can do my work and that it’s enough. It’s strange not being emotionally spent by noon, but to be in a situation where I am physically tired but emotionally fresh at the end of the day.

Allowing Myself to Learn and not be Afraid of Failure

Moving from a job that I had spent so many years excelling at to a completely different type of job has been challenging. It’s a new and different learning curve, instead of a job requiring problem solving and analytics I’ve moved to a job that requires physical strength and physical skills. I like learning new things, but the percentage of new things I had to learn in my job has gone down over the years as I gained experience. Now being in a position where almost everything is new, being in a place of learning all over again has been interesting.

I’m learning to be kind to myself, to ask questions and to be ok that I don’t know everything. Coming from an environment where asking questions was seen as weakness, it’s not always easy for me to get past that trauma and ask questions. It takes courage to be willing to learn, to admit that you need help and being confident enough to ask questions. I find that moving away from control, from pride and instead embracing humility has been very important in this process. I feel very blessed that the people around me have been so supportive, from the mechanics in the shop to my horticultural co-workers. Having a safe place to ask questions and to grow has been so pivotal in the journey of self-discovery.

Celebrating Differences

I have found working with people so very different than I am has been quite illuminating. Coming from a place where I worked mostly with engineers, I’m used to working with only a few personality types. Working at the golf course has been almost jarring how different the personalities are. There’s such a diverse range of people- from high school and college students to retirees and everyone in between. It’s interesting that some have made their careers in horticulture, others are looking for a new career or a place to make some extra money, and some are students where this is a fun summer job. Everyone has a different story. 

I used to be more bothered by differences in personality- it often meant more political situations and my job would be much harder because of it. As well, often there was the ultimatum of being “one of us” the other choice was constant rejection and being left on the outside. It was about toeing the line and not having individuality. This stifled innovation, originality and diversity of thought.

Over the last while I’ve been learning that these differences are not only good, but they should be celebrated and embraced. It’s been nice working with people so different than I; they have a different perspective, different stories to share and bring something new and fun to the work environment. It is a wonderful thing that we’re not all the same. Some of us are more detailed orientated and others a little less so. 

The beauty of that is that we all like different duties on the golf course. The things I don’t enjoy as much someone else loves to do. On the flip side, things that I find relaxing, they find tedious. So it’s been interesting to see how working with different personalities can bring so much strength to a team. It makes work more fun for everyone involved and the more we work in our strengths, the better off we are as a whole.   

Money isn’t Everything

Another thing I’ve realized over the last year is how much my identity was tied up in my work. Especially in the office I was working in, money equated to identity. I don’t believe that your value comes from the amount of money that you make, but being in an environment like that for years it is hard not to believe it. When the job demands all your time and energy, leaving no time for anything else, it is understandable why position and money becomes a major part of identity. With no room for relationships outside of work, self-care and hobbies, work can feel like the only thing that matters.

It takes time to move away from the belief that identity comes from position. The idea that I’m valuable for who I am and not what I do is powerful and life changing. The world tells us that our identity is based on how much we make, what we drive and what our work title is. We are told we are important based off of the influential people we know, the events we’re invited to and how people perceive our value

What do we base our value on? I believe it’s choosing to be accepting of who we truly are- choosing to act in a way that is congruent with our values and our purpose in this world. Money will come and go, in the end, I believe it’s more about how we show up in our lives and in our day and how we touch the people around us for the better. 

Moving from a high paying job to a minimum wage job for the sake of being happy and content has been a revelation. It has made me readjust my thinking on my value and what I value in this world.  

There’s Always More to Learn

I know that there are a lot more lessons ahead of me as I work at the golf course. I’m going to continue to give myself permission to grow, to learn and be changed for the better through the situation.

How about you? I’d love to hear if you’ve been in a situation that has required an adjustment in thinking and personal growth. Please feel free to leave comments below or to contact me directly.