Why I Killed my Ego

This week my thoughts have turned to the concept of ego and moving past fear based living to acceptance. Have you had moments where you have said things you didn’t mean and felt instant regret? Have you had moments of wanting to hide something that you’ve done because you were too ashamed to tell the truth? All of us in some point in our lives look at our actions and ask “What in the world was I thinking?” This is why I killed my ego.

What is Ego?

Ego can be defined as your personal identity or sense of self-worth. In Latin, ego translates as “I.”

By nature, our ego is important to us, it gives us a sense of who we are and what our personal identity is. At the same time ego is the lens through which we view the world. Ego can be very biased and cause us to see the work in a distorted way which isn’t always a help to us.

How Ego Can be Dangerous

Ego lives in the past and the future, not in the present. It is animalistic in nature, depending on fight or flight reactions to protect us. Ego is fear based. It provides survival and protection to ourselves but is not logical in nature. This isn’t a bad thing when this instinct protects us from physical harm, but in the case of relationships it can be rather disastrous.

Ego affects how we deal with relationships and conflict in our personal lives. In a moment of tension, where perhaps we feel threatened, we act instinctually instead of logically.

Ideally we would have a measured reaction and be seeking to understand the other person.  Instead our ego can cause us to react irrationally. This can cause us to assume the worst based off of past situations and react in offense. This often causes our emotions to take over, causing a higher level of reaction than what is necessary for the situation.

Ego Feeds Rejection

Ego also causes us to reject ourselves and others. I think back to the corporate world, how my husband and I would often call it the “ego industry.” I think of situations where ego won out over collaboration.

The need to be “right” or to be “in control” caused people to reject any other thought or idea that was not their own. It was the rejection of others and any different ideas. This caused not only the rejection of others but the person rejecting the idea was rejecting self out of personal insecurity.

By relying on ego, not only did it prevent teamwork, collaboration and learning for everyone, it caused frustration, lack of trust and broken relationships for the sake of being “right.”

Dying to Ego

The practice of dying to ego is not an easy thing- it requires humility, vulnerability and being willing to understand what your identity should truly be based on.

One way we can die to ego is understanding that if ego is fear based, than personal acceptance is showing love to both ourselves and others. By choosing to accept ourselves and others, we can break the cycle of ego and the fear that comes with ego.

How to Combat Ego in Our Daily Lives

Awareness

We must be aware of the moments where we let our ego take over in a situation. Understanding this allows us to take a step back and respond differently. This means making the choice to show vulnerability and humility instead of reacting out of fear.

Taking Time to Reflect and Apologize Often

When we act in a hurtful manner, often there are feelings of tension. I know that when I start justifying my behavior and telling myself what I did wasn’t so bad, that is when ego is taking over. Usually if I feel tension from a situation and it’s something my mind can’t put to rest then something needs to change.

Know Yourself: Triggers and Trauma

Start to understand what situations and circumstances that trigger the fear based reactions that cause fight or flight. We all have trauma in our lives and getting to the root of these traumatic situations can help us understand what our triggers are. When we understand our triggers, we can learn to respond in a more balanced manner to those situations.

Say Goodbye to Ego

A friend suggested this exercise to me and I have shared the process of it in my video below. It is making the decision not to live a fear based, egocentric life. It is making the choice to let your ego know that you are good without it, that you don’t need the protection that ego represents. Instead it’s finding a place where you can be honest and vulnerable around others.

Things that I include in my letter:

• Writing with an intention. We all have particular ideas and emotions that our ego triggers for us. We must make sure that we address these in our letter.
• Choosing to leave ego behind. Explain how we can handle the situation without the help of ego.
• Outline what you will do to be loved based and vulnerable instead of ego based.